THE CULLENS and Bella GO ON MSN!
by lolthebest1
Summary: Loads of Arguements happen when the Cullen Kids and Bella decided to chat On Msn. With some really bizarre nicknames E.G SEXYBEAST this is really quite funny! I spent ages writing it.... so I hope it's OK!
1. EddiePOO

Sorry if this is really bad but I am new to the website and I am not that good at writing since I am only er…

This is what happened when the Cullens (and Bella) went to MSN messenger.

In my opinion this is quite funny, it's the same ol' couples too so no changes with that. Sorry if this is really bad but I am new to the website and I am not that good at writing since I am only er…. '13' ;)

**Oh yeah and a NEEK is a cross between a nerd and a geek (just encase you didn't know) **

**SexyBeast-Edward**

**PsychicFashionista-Alice**

**EmoKid-Jasper**

**BeautifulBlonde-Rosalie**

**DowntownGrizzly-Emmett**

**JustBella-Bella**

_SexyBeast has entered this conversation_

_EmoKid has entered this conversation_

_DowntownGrizzly has entered this conversation_

**SexyBeast:** er….. hi guys.

**EmoKid:** 'Sup

**DowntownGrizzly:** OMFG!! OMFG!! OMFG!! LOL!!

**SexyBeast:** What?

**DowntownGrizzly:** You called yourself SEXYBEAST haaaa in your dreams.

**SexyBeast:** I am sexy.

**DowntownGrizzly:** yeah to one woman who is dumb enough to like you, BELLA!

**SexyBeast:** Bella is not dumb she is extremely clever and I AM sexy, very sexy, I am sooo sexy I look like a God, just ask Bella.

**DowntownGrizzly:** That's right Eddie, just keep deluding yourself.

_PsychicFashionista has entered this conversation._

_BeautifulBlonde has entered this conversation_

**PsychicFashionista:** Hi

**DowntownGrizzly:** Yo yo man

**PsychicFashionista:** cough-weirdo-cough

**BeautifulBlonde:** OMG who is SexyBeast, you haven't just got some weird perv of the internet have you Emmett?

**SexyBeast:** Hey! I am not a perv.

**DowntownGrizzly:** Nah, that's just Edward trying to boost his sex appeal.

**SexyBeast:** HEY!!

**DowntownGrizzly:** Cut it out Ed, your pathetic, you know that don't you?

_JustBella has entered this conversation_

**JustBella:** hiya vamps

**PsychicFashionista:** HI BELLA!

**Emokid:** 'Sup

**BeautifulBlonde:** ……hi

**DowntownGrizzly:** Greetings Pathetic Human

**JustBella: **errr……. Thanks

**SexyBeast:** BELLA!! I am sooooo pleased that you are online! Oh what a great day, my sweet love has joined us. Oh what a blissful paradise we are in, oh my sweet gorgeous, beautiful, kind, lovely, (not to mention insanely sexy) LOVE! I love you, ohhh……. I am filled with utter joy…..

**EmoKid:** Yeah jeez man I can feel it from here, it's like you're on drugs.

**JustBella:** OMG is SexyBeast Edward?

**BeautifulBlonde: **Yeah, sad isn't it, He should of called himself the nerdy geek who lurvs piano.

**SexyBeast:** HEY SHUT UP!! Slut!

**BeautifulBlonde: **WHAT DID YOU CALL ME NEEK!

**DowntownGrizzly:** you are gonna get beat for that NEEK!

**SexyBeast:** I am NOT a neek tell them Bella

**JustBella:** _(hesitates)_ um…er….yeah Eddies not a neek

**SexyBeast:** BELLA! Why did you hesitate, my sweet love has betrayed me, Woe's me!

**JustBella:** no no no I haven't it's just that you know sooo much more than them, I mean you know way more languages, you actually READ and you are (apart from Carlisle) the cleverest Cullen. Sooo it kinda makes you a tiny weeny miniscule bit of a Neek, I am sorry Ed.

**SexyBeast:** I understand……NOOOOOOOOOOO!!

**JustBella:** Anyway, what were we talking about?

**PyschicFashionista:** About how Edward is a complete twat for calling himself SexyBeast.

**JustBella:** Well he is totally SEXY though isn't he guys, I mean seriously WOW!

**PyschicFashionista:** NO! Edward is totally square, unlike Jazzy who is just the BOMB!

**BeautifulBlonde:** Edward is NOT sexy and he never will be

**SexyBeast:** Ouch, that hurts…

**DowntownGrizzly:** Edward Cullen is the Ugliest Vampire alive, Not only has got an EXTREME lack of muscles but he has hair the colour of carrots for God's sake (eww) Plus he is a little innocent Naïve virgin who doesn't know a thing about anything remotely sexy!

**SexyBeast:** That has just totally battered my self confidence Emmett, I hope your happy. I never knew my dear siblings hated me so. MY HAIR IS BRONZE I TELL YOU, BRONZE! Oh well at least I still have Jasper on my side…

**EmoKid: **What Emmett said.

**SexyBeast**: weeps

**JustBella:** awww I still think your sexy Eddie! Actually your more than sexy your super sexy. Don't listen to Emmett, he's just jealous of your good looks and sexy BOD! I love you SEXYBEAST!

**SexyBeast:** I'm SO HAPPY, I am sexy YAY I love you Bella. You're way prettier than Rosalie and don't you forget it.

**BeautifulBlonde:** WHAT??

**PsychicFashionista:** I have to agree, I am sorry you had to find out this was Rose.

**EmoKid: **What Alice said.

**Beautiful Blonde:** EMMETT! Aren't you going to do something!!

**DowntownGrizzly:** BRB I just have to go to the LOO!

**SexyBeast:** But Vampires don't….. Oh never mind.

**BeautifulBlonde:** I just wanna let you know that…… I HATE YOU GUYS (especially you Bella) OMG NO ONE ON THIS EARTH IS PRETTIER THAN ROSALIE HALE!! NO ONE! GOT IT! ESPECIALLY NOT BELLA!! Oh yeah and Edward, I am gonna get Emmett to beat you up.

**SexyBeast:** I look forward to it.

**PsychicFashionista:** Anyway where were we before Rosalie's little outburst?

**SexyBeast:** Praising Bella's good looks.

**PsychicFashionista:** Oh yeah, your totally gorgeous Bella, your not all fake like Rosalie, you've got what I would call, Natural Beauty.

**EmoKid:** What Alice said.

**SexyBeast:** You don't say much do you Jasper?

**EmoKid:** MUST REMAIN EMO!!

**SexyBeast:** I understand.

**DowntownGrizzly:** I'M BACK!

**BeautifulBlonde:** I AM GOING TO KILL YOU EMMETT

**DowntownGrizzly:** heheheh gulps

**SexyBeast:** BELLA IS THE MOST WONDEROUS CREATURE IN CREATION, SHE IS BEAUTIFUL, CLEVER AND AN ALL ROUND NICE PERSON!! WE LOVE YOU BELLA!!

**DowntownGrizzly:** AMEN TO THAT!!

**BeautifulBlonde:** EMMETT!!

**JustBella: **Jeez, I didn't realize I had acquired a fan club.

**PsychicFashionista:** You deserve one.

**EmoKid:** yeh

**SexyBeast:** YEAH!!

**JustBella:** aw, you guys are too nice, I am not that great I am pretty average you know.

**BeautifulBlonde:** YEAH SHE'S AVERAGE!

**SexyBeast:** Don't you ever blaspheme like that again.

**BeautifulBlonde:** You guys are absolute NUTTERS, I can't believe I live with such FREAKS I am considering switching Coven.

**SexyBeast:** Good Riddance

**EmoKid:** yeh

**SexyBeast:** Let us return to praising Bella…

**JustBella:** No really Edward it's fine don—

**SexyBeast:** Oh Bella, I love you so much it hurts. Everyday you are in my thoughts, I can't stop thinking about you--

**DowntownGrizzly:** Yeah Especially when your 'pleasuring yourself' Eddie.

**JustBella:** WHAT!!

**SexyBeast:** SHUT UP EMMETT!!

**DowntownGrizzly:** will do…

**SexyBeast:** Anyway, I LOVE YOU BELLA, I love you, only you, just my sweet Bella, I love you soooo…………

**EmoKid:** (pukes)

**PsychicFashionista:** aww that is quite cute…

**JustBella:** OH I LOVE YOU TOO EDDIE-POO!!

**SexyBeast:** WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!!

Haaa I had fun writing that, I hope you enjoy it. Please Review. Go easy on me though, I am sorry if it's rubbish. ANYWAY!! See ya guys. I might write another Chapter if some people review, but there is no point writing it if no one reads it.  BYE!


	2. Edward the Perv

Hi again. I don't think this is as funny as the last chapter, so for all of you guys who were expecting something spectacular to happen next, I'm sorry but this isn't that good. This also gets a bit rude and gross so don't read it if your under 13. If any of you guys review to tell me how bad the second chapter is, then please refrain from swearing. This is also slightly OCC (for Edward) so I know some of you are gonna be like 'Edward would never ever do THAT!!' yeah, I know. Again I am sorry that this is craptastic (I have low self esteem). Read on if you dare………..

**PsychicFashionista-Alice**

**EmoKid-Jasper**

**BeautifulBlonde-Rosalie**

**DowntownGrizzly-Emmett**

**JustBella-Bella**

_SexyBeast has entered this conversation _

_DowntownGrizzly has entered this conversation_

_EmoKid has entered this conversation_

**SexyBeast:** Hello?

**EmoKid:** 'Sup.

**DowntownGrizzly:** YO YO SEXYKIDDO!

**SexyBeast:** Actually Emmett, it's SexyBeast.

**DowntownGrizzly:** Well it should be SexyKiddo since your still in the body of a kid.

**SexyBeast:** EMMETT I AM IN THE BODY OF A 17 YEAR OLD!!

**DowntownGrizzly: **Edward, you haven't even reached puberty.

**SexyBeast:** Of course I have! I am in a 17 year olds body for God's sake!

**DowntownGrizzly:** How come you haven't got any hair under your armpits?

**SexyBeast:**…………….I…er……….shave…………

**Downtown:** HAAAA!! OMFG LOL!! YOU SHAVE!! HAAA!!

**SexyBeast:** IT'S A GUY-SHAVE

**DowntownGrizzly:** Yeah WHATEVER! You can't even grow a beard.

**SexyBeast:** So why are there all those used shavers in my bin? I can't have used them all on shaving under my armpits. HAHA I got you there Emmett.

**DowntownGrizzly:** EDWARD! You used those shavers to shave your legs!

_JustBella has entered this conversation_

**JustBella:** Hi guys.

**EmoKid:** 'Sup

**DowntownGrizzly:** YO YO BELLA-O

**SexyBeast:** BELLA!! My sweet love has joined us again, oh what a great day for humankind, OH OH Bel--

**JustBella: **Edward **PLEASE** stop doing that, it's freaking me out.

**SexyBeast:** Anything you say my sweet, the passion I feel for you is so strong that I will do anything for you…

**JustBella:** SLEEP WITH ME!!

**SexyBeast:** Anything, but that.

**JustBella:** Damn.

**DowntownGrizzly:** Don't worry Bella, he just doesn't know how to do it so…..

**JustBella: **OMG Edward is that true!

**SexyBeast:** NO!! EMMETT SHUT UP!! OF COURSE I KNOW HOW TO….

**DowntownGrizzly:** Edward you have been single for god knows how many years and yet you're still a virgin!! WTF??

**SexyBeast:** I was waiting for the right girl to come along and now she has so--

**JustBella:** SO SLEEP WITH ME ALREADY!

**SexyBeast: **I don't want to hurt you….

**DowntownGrizzly:** Bella, trust me, that's not the reason. It's because he hasn't got a clue what to do…But don't worry because Carlisle is going to give him the 'birds and the bees' talk.

**SexyBeast:** no no nooooooo please don't tell me Carlisle is going to do that!!

**DowntownGrizzly:** I'm sorry Eddie, but he is.

_PsychicFashionista has entered this conversation_

_BeautifulBlonde has entered this conversation_

**PsychicFashionista:** Hi Jazzykins, Eddikins, Emmikins, Rosikins and Bellakins.

**EmoKid:** 'Sup

**SexyBeast:** Greetings dear sister.

**DowntownGrizzly:** YO YO SIS-O

**JustBella:** Hi.

**BeautifulBlonde:** Yeah whatever they said. Anyway what have you guys been talking about?

**SexyBeast:** Well--

**DowntownGrizzly:** WE HAVE JUST BEEN TALKING ABOUT HOW EDWARD SHAVES HIS ARMPITS AND LEGS AND WHY HE WON'T SLEEP WITH BELLA (he doesn't know how to).

**JustBella: **EDWARD!! YOU SHAVE YOUR ARMPITS AND LEGS!!

**SexyBeast:** er……..

**JustBella:** SNAP!!

**DowntownGrizzly:** Yeah he probably shaves his pubic hair off too.

**PsychicFashionista: **ewwww yuck.

**BeautifulBlonde:** I really did not need to hear that Emmett.

**Emokid:** _(does freaky emo laugh)_

**JustBella:** OMFG EDWARD! Do YOU shave your pubic hair off? THAT IS GROSS!

**SexyBeast:** NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOO! I DO NOT! STOP MAKING THINGS UP EMMETT YOU RETARDED PHSYCOPATH!

**DowntownGrizzly:** hehehehehehehehehe

**BeautifulBlonde:** Can we please change the topic of conversation?

**JustBella:** Oh dear God yes please.

**PsychicFashionista:** Bella why are you called JustBella?

**SexyBeast: **Oh yes, I have always wondered what the motives behind that name were.

**JustBella:** Well I am just Bella. I haven't got a superpower like you guys, I am not ultra attractive like Rosalie (I don't care what you say Edward, I know I am not) I am just average, hence the name JustBella.

**BeautifulBlonde:** BELLA I LOVE YOU!!

**JustBella: **um…….great……..I guess……….

**SexyBeast:** No that won't do. You are not average AT ALL Bella. Your affectionate, kind-hearted, tender, sensitive NOT TO MENTION EXTREMELY SEXY WHILST WEARING A BIKINI!

**EmoKid:** Aah please stop those feelings Ed, I do not want to have to start 'pleasuring myself' because YOU have got a kick out of imagining Bella in a particularly skimpy bikini. STOP IT PLEASE!

**BeautifulBlonde:** WOW! I never thought I'd see the day when Jasper wrote a WHOLE sentence. I must say that was incredible Jasper although it was a bit confusing, I've never seen you convey so much emotion. Wow…….

**EmoKid:** NOOOO! Look what you've done Edward! You have made me lose my Emo-ness!

**PsychicFashionista:** I still love you JAZZIKINS!

**Emokid:** Good I am returning to my emo-state again, goodbye.

**SexyBeast:** Let us return to the main topic of conversation. Jasper I have no idea what you're talking about, your 'bodily needs' has absolutely NOTHING to do with me--

**JustBella:** EDWARD! How do you know I look sexy in a bikini?

**SexyBeast:** ummm….well…. you know when you, Alice and Rosalie had that slumber party and Alice forced you into a Bikini…..

**JustBella:** HOW do you know that! I thought you went out hunting that night…

**SexyBeast:** I lied…… I spied on you…I wanted to see you in sexy underwear…I'm sorry.

**JustBella:** I am speechless…

**DowntownGrizzly:** HAHA! EDWARD THE PERV!! NEXT THING HE'LL DO IS TAKE PICTURES OF BELLA IN THE SHOWER AND THEN PUT THEM UP ON HIS WALL!! HAAAAAHAAAAAAAAA!!

**PsychicFashionista:** Since it was only Bella who wore the extremely revealing lingerie's, I am not too upset. But still, that was nasty Edward.

**EmoKid:** yeh

**BeautifulBlonde:** Yeah Edward that was mean (even if it was Bella).

**JustBella:** ……Bursts into uncontrollable flood of tears…..

**SexyBeast: **OH BELLA MY LOVE I BEG FOR FORGIVENESS! HOW COULD I BE SO CRUEL! I AM A MONSTER! OH BELLA I AM SO SORRY I NEVER MEANT TO HURT YOU SO! IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE I UNDERSTAND, I THINK I MIGHT GO AND CURL UP IN A CORNER AND DIE. GOODBYE MY LOVE…..

**JustBella:** Ahhh Edward wait….

**SexyBeast:** Yes, my sweet but betrayed by a callous monster like me, love?

**JustBella:** Did you like me in the bikini and underwear?

**SexyBeast:** Yes OF COURSE! OH what a sinner I am….thinking lustful thoughts…..I shall go and punish myself…..

**BeautifulBlonde:** Oh God calm down Edward, it's not the end of the world.

**EmoKid:** yeh

**JustBella: **Edward….what you did was totally disgusting, mean and DISRESTPECTFUL!

**SexyBeast: **I know….I'm sorry……I shall go and tell Carlisle I have been a naughty boy…..I am sure he will think of a suitable punishment.

**DowntownGrizzly:** DUDE! that sounds weird.

**Emokid:** yeh

**JustBella:** Aww Eddiekins……..

**SexyBeast:** _(does cute, dazzling look at the computer screen)_

**JustBella: **Aww I can imagine that look…. I will forgive you Edward…

**SexyBeast:** YAY!

**JustBella:** IF….

**SexyBeast: **Damn

**JustBella:** IF you dress in those bikinis and lingerie's and let us take photos of you in them.

**DowntownGrizzly: **HAAAA THAT IS AWESOME BELLA! I couldn't have thought of something better myself! THIS IS GOING TO BE PRICELESS! I guess some of my cool-ness is rubbing off on you.

**PsychicFashionista: **Ha OMG I can already see him wearing them haaa LOL this is going to be sooo FUNNY!

**EmoKid: **yeh

**SexyBeast: **Bella, are you that desperate to wash away every last thread of my manly-ness?

**JustBella: **YES

**SexyBeast:** For you, my love, I would do anything (except sleep with you).

**JustBella:** YAY then I totally forgive you, actually I thank you for giving us the excuse of dressing you up in ladies underwear.

**SexyBeast:** (groans) Well at least you've forgiven me… Let us resume the love conversation…. I LOVE YOU BELLA!! I HAVE NEVER LOVED ANYONE APART FROM YOU!! (ok, basically, this feeling is totally new to me and I am getting strange urges that I have never had before, I am discovering places on my body I never knew I had, thank you Bella, thank you…) anyway I LOVE YOU BELLA I LOVE YOU I LOVE BEING IN LOVE OH I AM IN LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVELY LOVELY BUBBLY LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE--

**BeautifulBlonde:** Enough already! I am totally grossed out by what you just said Edward, I think you need counselling.

**EmoKid:** yeh

**JustBella:** Is shocked into silence….

**SexyBeast:** BELLA MY SWEET, MY LOVE, MY DRUG, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

**JustBella:** ummm yeah I love you too……..yeah great……WHAT ABOUT YOUR BODY??

**SexyBeast:** _(virtually kisses Bella, gives great big hug, does dazzling smile)_

**JustBella:** OMG I have just forgotten the totally weird thing you just said Eddie all I can think about is that dazzling smile….

**SexyBeast:** I LOVE YOU

**JustBella:** I LOVE YOU TOO EDDIE-TEDDY

**SexyBeast:** WHAT!!

**If you read all of that, well done for getting to the end. It was rubbish, I know… (sniff) … oh well…. Can you guys tell me if there is at least one OK-ish bit about it? pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeeeeee I know I can't really use this excuse anymore but……… I am only 13 so please don't batter my self confidence too much whilst reviewing (if you even bother). Thank you.**


	3. ILikeDaGingerCullen

**LOADS OF SWEARING SO DON'T READ IF YOUR A KID. (F WORDS S WORDS B WORDS ETC)**

**ILikeDaGingerCullen-Tanya**

**SexyBeast-Edward**

**PsychicFashionista-Alice**

**EmoKid-Jasper**

**DowntownGrizzly-Emmett**

**BeautifulBlonde-Rosalie**

**JustBella-Bella**

_DowntownGrizzly has entered this conversation _

**DowntownGrizzly:** YO YO SELF-O!

**DowntownGrizzly:** HEHEHEHEHEEEEEE I AM THE ONLY ONE HERE

**DowntownGrizzly:** well……if I am the only one online…..then……it's time too…

**DowntownGrizzly: **PARTAAAAY!! WEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YEAH BABY YEAH I LOVE YOU HANNAH MONTANA!

**PsychicFashionista:** Emmett!! What the hell are you doing….?

**DowntownGrizzly: **OMG ALICE! HOW COME YOU'RE ONLINE?

**PsychicFashionista: **……

SexyBeast has entered this conversation

_EmoKid has entered this conversation _

BeautifulBlonde has entered this conversation

**SexyBeast:** Hello Dearest Siblings.

**EmoKid:** 'Sup

**BeautifulBlonde:** hiya peeps, hiya Emmie-Wemmie.

JustBella has entered this conversation

**JustBella:** HI VAMPS, HI EDDIE-TEDDY!

**PsychicFashionista:** Hi Bella

**EmoKid:** 'Sup

**BeautifulBlonde:** ……….whatever………..

**DowntownGrizzly:** YO YO BELLA-O

**SexyBeast:** OH BELLA MY SWEET LOVE, MY KINDRED SPIRIT, MY SOULMATE--

**JustBella:** Edward!! Remember what I told you about adapting to today's youth culture…?

**SexyBeast:** OH SORRY!…(Let me start again)… Hi babe, wassup, I is well chillin in ma crib wit ma IPOD and other well wicked stuff and like I is well 'ard coz --

**JustBella:** THAT IS TOTALLY OVERDOING IT EDWARD!!

**SexyBeast:** OK, I think I am going to shut up now……….

**BeautifulBlonde:** Thank God for that

**EmoKid:** yeh

_ILikeDaGingerCullen has entered this conversation_

**PsychicFashionista:** Who is that?

**EmoKid:** I dunno

**SexyBeast:** I haven't got a clue as to whom it might be.

**DowntownGrizzly:** Has Bella changed her account or something coz I think the name is referring to you Edward.

**JustBella:** HELLO I AM RIGHT HERE!!

**DowntownGrizzly:** oh

**BeautifulBlonde:** Well it must be someone we know……

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** HALLLOOOOOOOO

**SexyBeast:** Who, may I ask, are you?

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** WAT?

**DowntownGrizzly:** WHO………ARE……….YOU!!

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** I …………….IS…………….TANYA!!

**JustBella:** WTF IS SHE DOING HERE!!

**SexyBeast:** It's beyond me…

**PsychicFashionista:** Who added her?

**BeautifulBlonde:** Emmett please tell me it wasn't you, you have a tendency to add weirdo's to our conversations.

**DowntownGrizzly:** It wasn't me, I think Tanya's a NUTTER!

**SexyBeast:** Well we all think that….

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** Hey Eddie-Teddy

**JustBella:** HEY!! I AM THE ONLY PERSON ON EARTH THAT IS ALLOWED TO CALL EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN EDDIE-TEDDY!! GOT THAT?

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** Watevs

**PsychicFashionista:** Why are you called I-like-da-ginger-Cullen?

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** Because I do.

**SexyBeast:** There isn't a ginger Cullen.

**BeautifulBlonde:** Errrr…..Edward….. your ginger………

**SexyBeast:** WHAT!! NO WAY!! I AM SOOOO **NOT** GINGER!! MY HAIR IS BRONZE OK! BRONZE!!

**DowntownGrizzly:** I'm sorry Edward, but you're a ginger through and through (I have seen those hidden freckles on your back Eddie, there is no point denying it).

**SexyBeast:**…….there aren't any words to describe how I am feeling right now……...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

**JustBella:** Tanya, what do you mean you like 'the ginger Cullen'?? ?? ?? ??

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** EXACTLY THAT! I like da ginger Cullen, HE IS ONE HOT SAUSAGE!

**JustBella:** WELL EXCUSE ME! IF ANYONE IS GOING TO CALL EDDIEKINS A 'HOT SAUSAGE' IT'S ME' OK!! SO BACK OFF HE'S MINE!

**ILikeDaGingerCullen: **I am allowed to call him that tooooo because I slept with him when he came round ma house.

**SexyBeast:** WTF I never slept with you I AM A VIRGIN! (plus I would never sleep with you because you're a deranged psychopath who is absolutely pig ugly).

**DowntownGrizzly:** DAMN STRAIGHT! Sorry but it is totally obvious Edward is a virgin…and Tanya is totally pig ugly…..

**JustBella:** WHAT THE FUCK EDWARD!! OH MY FUCKING GOD!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS MY WORST NIGHTMARE COME TRUE!! EDWARD YOU LYING BARSTERD HOW COULD YOU OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I HATE YOU TANYA YOU MOTHER FUCKING BITCH! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** Unlikely, seeing as you're a weak, pathetic human who has extremely bad co-ordination.

**JustBella:** Emmett and Jasper will help me won't you guys?

**EmoKid: **OH YEAH!! I LOVE A GOOD GORY DEATH! COUNT ME IN!

**DowntownGrizzly: **……..yeah………sure…….

**SexyBeast:** NOW EVERYONE CALM DOWN! TANYA WTF? YOU ARE A FREAKIN WEIRDO JEEZ BACK OFF (please notice the youth slang that I used there Bella, I did it especially for you). Bella I have never ever slept with anyone in my entire life, I have never even had sexual feelings AT ALL until I met you (which opened up to a whole new world of discovery to me, hehehe). Anyway Bella I am willing to have that extremely painful surgery where doctors shove-a-stick-up-your-bottom-to-see-if-your-a-virgin-or-not I AM WILLING TO HAVE THAT DONE! IF IT PROVES MY INNOCENCE!

**DowntownGrizzly:** I actually believe you're a virgin Eddie, but have the test done anyway, if you pay an extra 50 Dollars then you can get it filmed (all at an extremely close up angle) and then those pervy doctors give it to you on a DVD! SHOW US YOU'RE A MAN EDDIE!

**JustBella:** I am soooooooooo confused, I can't be sure that Tanya's lying.

**BeautifulBlonde:** Actually you can be sure, Tanya's been in a mental asylum at least 3 times, anything she say's is almost definitely a lie.

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** Noooooooo I speak da truth manz I like da truth and da ginger boys nah nah nah nah nang nang nang AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

**PsychicFashionista:** I'm scared……..

**SexyBeast:** BELLA, MY LOVE, MY SWEET, MY PETAL I HAVE NEVER SLEPT WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AND I NEVER INTEND TO (until you're a vampire in which case, LETS DO THIS THING but only when you're a vampire) DO YOU BELIEVE ME?

**JustBella:** Yes, but I want you to have that test done anyway, I am especially keen about that DVD Emmett was mentioning….

**DowntownGrizzly:** I WANT A COPY! (Only so I can check that Eddie's not a eunuch)

**ILikeDaGingerCullen: **ME TOOOO!! I WANNA SEE EDDIE NAKED!

**PsychicFashionista:** But surely you have already seen Edward naked since you claim to have slept with him?

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** …er…….yeah………NANG NANG NANG WEEEEEEWEEEEEEEE!!

**BeautifulBlonde:** OMG SHES EVEN WEIRDER THAN EMMETT!

**EmoKid: **YEH!!

**SexyBeast:** Fine, if it makes you happy Bella, then I will take the test. But I am not getting it filmed!

**JustBella:** PWEEEEEEEEEEEASE EDDIEKINS!!

**SexyBeast:** NO!

**JustBella: **For me……sobs……pouts…..

**SexyBeast:** OK fine, but I am only going to show it to you when you're a vampire and after we have done IT! (you know what I mean)…..

**JustBella:** OOOOOOH GOODIE!

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** Do I get a copy?

**SexyBeast:** NO!! PISS OFF!!

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** Dat meeeeeaaaaan……..

**JustBella:** YOUR MEAN FOR TRYING IT ON WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND THEN TELLING ME YOU HAD SLEPT WITH HIM!

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** True………WHAOAOAOAOOOOOOOO

**PsychicFashionista: **I think I am going to tell Carlisle that we should never visit Tanya's coven again, after what I have seen today, I think they are probably all a bunch of weirdo's…

**DowntownGrizzly: **OH TANYA SHE SO CRAYZE!

**JustBella:** So are you Emmett, if it weren't for Rosalie, I think you and Tanya would make a good couple.

**BeautifulBlonde:** HEY!!

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** I only like Eddie da Ginger Cullen, he sooooooo sexy….I WOULD LIKE TO SUCK ON HIS SAUSAGE!!

**SexyBeast:** WHAT THE FUCK!!

**JustBella:** TANYA YOU and you friggin shove crap up your you freakin DUMB ASS PISS OFF AND LEAVE MY BOYFRIEND ALONE YOU EAT YOUR OWN SHIT YOU BITCH!!

**DowntownGrizzly:** Actually vampires don't shit….

**JustBella:** SHUT UP!!

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** Eddie will pick me coz me his favourite hehehehe

**SexyBeast:** LEAVE ME ALONE TANYA!! I LOVE BELLA OK BELLA

B-E-L-L-A (oooh Bella's name could go to the lyrics of Rihanna's song umberella) "BELLA ELLA ELLA EH EH I LOVE BELLA ELLA ELLA EH EH" (oooh catchy)

ANYWAY TANYA PISS OFF I HATE YOU I WILL NEVER EVER, EVER LOVE YOU SO GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK YOU NUTCASE!!

**JustBella: **YEAH

**ILikeDaGingerCullen:** WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA that mean Eddiekins. Me sad.

**SexyBeast:** Just ignore her.

**JustBella:** Yeah…

**SexyBeast:** Anyway, I love you Bella I love you love love love you I love bubbly lovely love love love--

BeautifulBlonde: YOUR POINT BEING!!

**SexyBeast:** My point is that I look forward to the time when Bella is a vampire, only then can I show her what a real Sexy Beast I am!

**JustBella: **I CAN'T WAIT EDDIEKINS!!

**SexyBeast:** NEITHER CAN I BELLAKINS!!

**EmoKid:** Edward please stop it. AH FUCK AAHHH FUCKING SHIT AHHHH!

**PsychicFashionista: **What's wrong Jazzykins?

**EmoKid:** Edward's just had a hormone rush………

**PsychicFashionista:** Poor Jazzykins having to feel Eddie's dirty feelings….STOP IT EDWARD!!

**SexyBeast:** I……CAN'T……….

EmoKid has left this conversation

**DowntownGrizzly:** He's safe now.

**PsychicFashionista:** Good.

**SexyBeast: **BELLA MY LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU OOOOOOOOOOOH SOOOOOOOOO MUCHHHHHHHH!!

**JustBella:** I wuv woo too my wittle ickle Eddie-teddy Pooh Bear.

**SexyBeast:** WWWWHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAT!!


	4. Eddie The YOBBO!

**This has swear words and some explicit content in it so don't read if you're under 13! This is about Edward trying to become like an average 17 year old, with disastrous consequences…**

**(please review and tell me if it's ok or not) **

**IHateDemBadAssLeeches-Jacob**

**SexyBeast-Edward**

**PsychicFashionista-Alice**

**BeautifulBlonde-Rosalie**

**EmoKid-Jasper**

**DowntownGrizzly-Emmett**

**JustBella-Bella**

_SexyBeast has entered this conversation_

_PsychicFashionista has entered this conversation_

_BeautifulBlonde has entered this conversation_

_EmoKid has entered this conversation_

_DowntownGrizzly has entered this conversation_

**PsychicFashionista: **Hi sissykins and brotherkinsssss

**BeautifulBlonde:** Hi

**EmoKid:** 'Sup

**DowntownGrizzly:** YO YO PEEP-O

**PsychicFashionista:** what the--

**SexyBeast:** WASSUP!

**BeautifulBlonde:** OMG! is that Edward?

**SexyBeast:** IT ME MAN I IS LIK WELL WICKED!

**PsychicFashionista:** Edward you're scaring me…….

**DowntownGrizzly:** Hey stop copying me man dat is my language.

**SexyBeast:** IT AIN'T NONE OF UR LANGAUGE BWOY!

**PsychicFashionista: **Ahhhh!

_JustBella has entered this conversation_

**JustBella:** Hi

**Alice: **HI BELLAKINS!

**EmoKid:** 'Sup

**DowntownGrizzly:** YO YO BELLA-O

**BeautifulBlonde:** yeah whatever

**SexyBeast:** BELLA MY LOV-- wait--WASSUP, I IS LIK WELL 'ARD. I AM A WELL BAD BWOY MAN AND I WELL SICK MAN AND YOU ARE ONE HOT BABE!!

**JustBella:** What the...WHO THE HELL IS ON EDWARD'S ACCOUNT!!

**SexyBeast:** 'Tis me oh swe-- It is like me man init I is Ed da sexy bwoy.

**JustBella:** AAAAAAAAAH! What have you guys done to him?

**BeautifulBlonde:** We haven't done anything he has just started talking like this!!

**SexyBeast:** I is talking like a bad bwoy man, it is da 21st century init so I speak lik ma fellow 17 year olds and we is all well--

**JustBella:** EDWARD! Please go back to your old fashioned self, you're frightening me.

**SexyBeast:** OH is my sweet petal fright—I ain't no scary bwoy man I lik da sexy gals lik you and we can lik chill wit som beer and --

_IHateDemBadAssLeeches has entered this conversation_

**IHateDemBadAssLeeches:** Hi

**EmoKid:** 'Sup

**PsychicFashionista:** Hiya puppykins

**DowntownGrizzly:** YO YO WEIRD-O

**JustBella:** Hi Jake!

**SexyBeast: **WASSUP DOG!

**IHateDemBadAssLeeches: **WHO THE FUCK IS THAT!!

**JustBella: **Language Jacob.

**SexyBeast: **IT IS ED DA SEXY BEAST I LIK DA SEXY BABE (Bella) SHE IS WELL HOT MAN!!

**IHateDemBadAssLeeches:** THAT IS EDWARD! OMG!

**SexyBeast: **INIT DOW!

**IHateDemBadAssLeeches:** _**THAT!**_ Is what you're going out with Bella, THAT SICKPOT! You don't know what you're missing with me Bella.

**JustBella:** He………isn't ……..usually….like…..this……

**SexyBeast:** DIS IS A NEW ME MAN!

**JustBella:** Edward please stop it, you sound nothing like an average 17 year old, you just sound like a yobbo.

**SexyBeast:** What does an average 17-year-old sound like then?

**JustBella:** Erm…. like Mike Newton.

**SexyBeast:** HI BELLA! CAN I TAKE YOU TO GYM CLASS, BE ON MY TEAM BELLA, I WANNA--

**JustBella:** Maybe not…speak like Jacob that's normal…

**IHateDemBadAssLeeches:** Yeah I am N-O-R-M-A-L unlike you freaks.

**SexyBeast:** This is me imitating Jacob (Dumb Ass) Black. Hi Bella, I am a total perv that is trying to take you away from your really sexy boyfriend (who is sooo gorgeous that everyone fancies him) because I am a total barsterd that needs to get a freakin' life DUH! I just wanna let you know that I am a mother fuckin' spaz--

**JustBella:** EDWARD! That's mean………

**IHateDemBadAssLeeches:** Yeah you meanie! AND YOU ARE NOT GORGEOUS YOU GINGER NUT FRECKLE FACE SPAZ! See how mean your 'boyfriend' is Bella?

**JustBella:** Yeah Edward, I am leaving you for Jacob.

**PsychicFashionista:** WHAT!

**EmoKid:** WHAT!

**BeautifulBlonde:** WHAT!

**DowntownGrizzly: **WHAT!

**IHateDemBadAssLeeches: **ALL RIGHT AWSOME!!

**SexyBeast: **BELLA MY SWEET, MY LOVE, MY PETAL, I AM SORRY! I FEEL LIKE MY HEART IS BEING TORN INTO PIECES! OHHH WOE'S ME! BELLA MY LOVER, MY DRUG, MY EVERYTHING, I BEG OF YOU NOT TO LEAVE ME FOR THAT OTHER MONSTROCITY, I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY MIND, BODY AND SOUL, I CANNOT LIVE TO SEE YOU IN THE ARMS OF ANOTHER MAN, I WILL DO ANYTHING TO WIN YOUR HEART AGAIN (except sleep with you) IF YOU CAN FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO FORGIVE ME, I WOULD BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL………..

**EmoKid:** I can feel your grief brotha…

**JustBella:** OMG EDDIEKINS!! I would never ever leave you (even though you left me, you barsterd) I only said that to get you to stop using slang! I wuv you too much to ever leave you, OH EDDIE!! (Sorry Jacob).

**IHateDemBadAssLeeches:** No probs, it was good while it lasted…….

**SexyBeast:** REALLY!! YAY!! I'm soooooooooooo happy what a glorious wonderful fantastic day it is!! I LOVE YOU BELLAKINS!! I LOVE YOU! I AM IN LOVE! I LOVE BEING IN LOVE! LOVE IS A GREAT THING!

**EmoKid:** Not again……….

_EmoKid has left this conversation_

**PsychicFashionista:** Stop having dirty feelings Edward GOD! You're so repressed.

**DowntownGrizzly: **I have to agree, Edward is totally dying for it…..I know what you do when your in your bedroom for hours on end SEXYBEAST!

**JustBella:** What's he doing?

**SexyBeast:** NOTHING! (Emmett if you say anything then I am going to kill you)

**JustBella:** SAY WHAT! What are you talking about!

**DowntownGrizzly:** After your dates Eddie goes up into his room and MAS--

**SexyBeast:** LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAAAAA!!

**IHateDemBadAssLeeches:** If that's what I think it is then, EEEEEEEEWWWWW! Your so disgusting Edward jeez.

**JustBella:** Tell me it's not true………..

**SexyBeast:** EMMETT YOUR AS GOOD AS DEAD! Bella, sweetikins, since….. I can't sleep with you... I have to find other ways to relieve myself...of my bodily desires……..

**JustBella:** I am going to pretend that I didn't hear that……

**PsychicFashionista:** So am I…..

**BeautifulBlonde:** Can someone change the subject PLEASE!!

**SexyBeast:** Bella can we go on a date?

**JustBella:** YES!!

**IHateDemBadAssLeeches:** I can't stand this anymore.

_IHateDemBadAssLeeches has left this conversation_

**SexyBeast:** DUMB ASS! Anyway where were we?

**JustBella:** We were going on a date…….

**SexyBeast:** OH YEAH!! I'm so happy I am going on a date with my ickle wickle wittle wuvly Bella Babycake!

**JustBella:** WHAT!!

**Thank you for reading, please review!**


	5. THE ARRIVAL OF SEXYBABE!

**Ok this is quite short. Basically Edward is a bit confused with his gender (lol) and Bella changes her name to SexyBabe...Edward also enjoys singing some Madonna songs (hahahahaha). Don't read it if your under 13! Please review!! **

**SexyBeast-Edward  
****  
****PsychicFashionista-Alice**

**EmoKid-Jasper**

**DowntownGrizzly-Emmett**

**BeautifulBlonde-Rosalie**

**JustBella/SexyBabe-Bella**

_SexyBeast has entered this conversation_

_PsychicFashionista has entered this conversation_

_BeautifulBlonde has entered this conversation_

**SexyBeast: **Greetings dear sisters.

**BeautifulBlonde:** Hi saddo brother!

**PsychicFashionista:** IT'S JUST US GIRLS ONLINE!

**BeautifulBlonde:** WE CAN HAVE A GIRLIE PARTAY!

**SexyBeast:** Excuse me, but I am a boy.

**PsychicFashionista:** …….well……actually Edward…….

**BeautifulBlonde:** Of course you're a boy Edward, of COURSE you are. (Please note the sarcasm)

**SexyBeast:** I AM A BOY!

**PsychicFashionista:** Well, why did you buy a tampon from the tampon machine outside the school toliets?

**BeautifulBlonde:** LOL!!

**SexyBeast:** I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A TAMPON!!

**PsychicFashionista:** Then you put soap on it and then you started rubbing it on your face ……

**BeautifulBlonde:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Edward jeez you are weird.

**SexyBeast:** I THOUGHT IT WAS A FACE-SPONGE!!

**PsychicFashionista:** Of course you did Eddie-Poo, of course you did……

**SexyBeast:** HEY! don't call me Eddie-Poo! Only Bella is allowed to call me that!

**BeautifulBlonde:** Why?

**SexyBeast:** BECAUSE SHE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!! And she's my wittle snuggle muffin…….

**BeautifulBlonde:** OMG EDWARD!!

**SexyBeast: **What?

**BeautifulBlonde:** YOU NEED TO GET A FREAKIN' LIFE!!

_EmoKid has entered this conversation_

_DowntownGrizzly has entered this conversation_

_JustBella has entered this conversation_

**JustBella:** Hi Guys, hi Eddie-Poo!

**Emokid:** 'Sup

**DowntownGrizzly:** YO YO BELLA-O!

**PsychicFashionista:** Hi Bellakins!

**BeautifulBlonde:** WAT-EVER!

**SexyBeast:** BELLA! MY SWEET, MY LOVE, MY PETAL, I HAVE MISSED YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! WE HAVE BEEN APART FOR 30 MINUTES!! 30 MINUTES I TELL YOU!!

**BeautifulBlonde:** OH what a tragedy! NOT!

**JustBella:** OH EDDIEKINS! I miss you…….

**SexyBeast:** I miss you too my Babycake Bella…. (Gives Bella an imaginary hug)

**JustBella:** (Hugs back)

**DowntownGrizzly:** ANYWAY, What were you peeps talking about before we came online?

**BeautifulBlonde:** Well we we're talking about how Edward was a girl--

**SexyBeast:** I AM NOT A GIRL! I AM A BOY/MAN! I AM MALE GET IT!

**DowntownGrizzly:** Prove it!

**SexyBeast:** WHAT! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!

**DowntownGrizzly: **Describe the difference between your body and lets say, Bella's.

**SexyBeast:** Er….Well….I haven't got…..those things…..

**BeautifulBlonde: **What Things? (lol)

**SexyBeast:** Well Bella has those mammalian things…….

**JustBella:** WHAT!!

**DowntownGrizzly: **HE DOESN'T KNOW HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

**SexyBeast:** OF COURSE I DO!

**DowntownGrizzly: **Say it then!

**SexyBeast:** I HAVEN'T GOT TITS! OK I SAID IT SO STOP BULLYING ME!

**PsychicFashionista: **Actually Edward, you do have tits you just haven't got BREASTS!!

**SexyBeast:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

**JustBella:** Can we please change the subject?

**BeautifulBlonde:** Yes Ms Average.

**SexyBeast: **Bella isn't average!

**BeautifulBlonde:** YES SHE IS! That's why she is called JustBella!

**JustBella:** It's true...

**SexyBeast: **BELLA YOU ARE NOT AVERAGE!! I think you should change your name--

**DowntownGrizzly:** YEAH CALL YOURSELF Emmettisdabesteva

**JustBella:** NO WAY!

**PsychicFashionista: **How about ShopTillIDrop?

**JustBella:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**EmoKid:** Call yourself SlitWrists

**JustBella:** ER...

**BeautifulBlonde:** Call yourself Rosalieiswayprettierthanme

**JustBella:** mabye...

**SexyBeast:** I'VE GOT IT!! I'VE GOT THE BEST NAME EVER!! BELLA YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE ME FOR THIS!

**JustBella:** I already love you

**SexyBeast:** YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE ME EVEN MORE!!

**PsychicFashionista: **What's the name then?

**SexyBeast:** WAIT FOR IT...

**DowntownGrizzly:** TELL US THE DAMN NAME EDWARD, GOD!!

**SexyBeast:** SEXYBABE!!

**JustBella:** WHAT!

**SexyBeast:** You should be called SexyBabe

**JustBella:** Noooooooo way I am not sounding like some sort of slut.

**SexyBeast:** BUT THEN WE WILL MATCH!!

**JustBella:** Yeah but there will be a difference, your name suits you...'SexyBabe' certainly doesn't suit me

**BeautifulBlonde:** I totally agree with that.

**JustBella:** Thanks.

**BeautifulBlonde:** Don't Mention it.

**SexyBeast:** EVERYONE LISTEN!! BELLA IS A SEXYBABE!!

**BeautifulBlonde:** NO she isn't

**SexyBeast:** LET'S VOTE. EVERYONE WHO THINKS BELLA IS A SEXYBABE SAY AYE!

**PsychicFashionista: **Aye

**EmoKid:** Aye

**DowntownGrizzly:** AYE

**BeautifulBlonde:** EMMETT!! Bella is not a SEXYBABE, I AM! Bella should be called LITTLE MISS UGLY!!

**JustBella:** Thanks... :(

**SexyBeast:** ROSALIE YOU ARE OUTNUMBERED! BELLA IS OFFICALLY A SEXYBABE!

**JustBella:** Oh God...

**SexyBeast:** Change your name Bella!

**JustBella:** NOO Please no...

**SexyBeast:** Bella if you don't do this then I won't...sleep with you for FIVE YEARS! (even if you are a vampire)

**JustBella:** AAAAAAH!! ok ok I will do it...

_JustBella has left this conversation.  
SexyBabe has entered this conversation._

**SexyBabe:** HAPPY NOW!

**DowntownGrizzly:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOL SEXYBEAST AND SEXYBABE THE TWO SADDO VIRGINS HAHAHA!!

**SexyBeast:** HEY SHUT UP!

**SexyBabe:** I am sooooo embarrassed.

**SexyBeast:** Don't be, we MATCH!! OMG that's great isn't it?

**SexyBabe:** Yeah...Great...

**SexyBeast:** OH SEXYBABE!! I WISH YOU WERE A VAMPIRE RIGHT NOW SO WE COULD--

**SexyBabe:** WHAT!!

**SexyBeast:** GIVE IT 2 ME YEAH NO ONE'S GONNA STOP ME NOW GIVE IT 2 ME YEAH NO ONE'S GONNA SHOW ME HOW--

**DowntownGrizzly:** WTF!!

**SexyBeast:** LIKE A VIRGIN HEY! TOUCHED FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME, LIKE A VIRRRRRRRRGIN WHEN YOUR HEART BEATS NEXT TO MINE!!

**BeautifulBlonde:** Edward you need treatment...

**SexyBeast:** EROTICA--

**DowntownGrizzly:** Stop singing freakin' MADONNA SONGS MAN! GOD YOU GUYS ARE DESPERATE!!

**SexyBeast:** I know...I just want...I just want... to see my ickle wickle wuvly babycake Bella for a while...I think I am going to get a t'shirt saying I LOVE SEXYBABE!!

**SexyBabe:** AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

**I know it's not that good... Please review to tell me if I should carry on writing these!**


	6. Je suis morte!

Oh My God.

It's been so long! Anyway, I'm sorry to say that this is an 'Author's note' or whatever they're called.

I don't think I'll be continuing this fanfic (who knows, I might) and I actually wrote it when I was 11 (I'm 13 now) but I said I was 13 because that's the age you have to be to join :)

Now, I'd be very happy for someone to continue this fanfic for me (review if you do) or if you have any ideas that might inspire me to write another chapter.

So yeah, if you want to write another chapter, have any ideas or want to carry on the fanfic then please review (I don't tend to check my inbox)

Merci beaucoup _ ^_^ _


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